#been up and down like a fucking yoyo

[stedesparasol]

today has been a fucking rollercoaster of emotions

[chososcamgirl]

(SHE’S) JUST A PHASE CHAPTER FOURTEEN: when you’re sleeping

masterlist

extras!

• panda has been milking the liam payne reaction pics because he thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world

• sukuna def saw yn’s tweet on his burner LMFAO

• HI OIKAWA💕💕💕

• panda walked into yn’s room and then walked back out slowly after seeing megumi and yn cuddling in their sleep…

• floor was def creaking under him though

• choso was yn’s ex situationship before sukuna (FUCKK💔💔)

• he wanted to settle down after hooking up for like 4 months straight, yn didn’t, etc (can u tell i miss him)

• the guys are proud of megumi because this is his longest lasting “thing” with a girl LMFAO

• toge threw his phone at the wall seeing the megumi thirst edits of the bar fight

• one of the songs was that fucking russian song with velocity 😭 (THE BLONDE BRUNETTE ONE BYE)

• yuta being dad as always

a/n: sorry for the late update i’ve lowkey been dying and my mental health seems to decrease rapidly each passing day!!!! also bury a friend will finally be posted and focused upon!!!! another filler chapter but enjoy!! :3

taglist: @shokosbunny @luvvmae @satoryaa @prozacprinc3ss @essjujutsu @therealsatorugojo @yeehawslap @gojodickbig @dawnisatotalqueen @j2upiters @nappingnai @lalalasillybilly3000 @totallytatum @3cst4syy @lysaray @saltypuffin1040 @aozui @noodles-icetea @makeshiftproject @kurtcobaingirlie @kokoiinuts @dashingaurries @slvttycorpse @cuupidsss @mochroialainn @tenjikusstuff4 @ichcocat @laughingfcx @sugurubabe @allthestarsarecloserrrrrrr @tyigerz @yoyo-yui @megoomies @yizmiu @jasminasblog22 @marst4rz @guitarstringed-scars @kalulakunundrum @lovefrominaya @beepbopzlorp @itsdragonius @meguemii @chilichopsticks @starantulas @1l-ynn @pastriepuppy @rcveriees @solaqes @starrysho @sukunaspillow @evry1luvssm

*if i can't tag you please change your tag settings otherwise i will remove you from the list!

[8ttached]

"she's a real gem huh?"

pairings - (possessive) Fontaine x blk reader

warnings - (18+ smut, minors dni!!) not proof read, car sex (dont know if I would consider this as public sex since it's in an empty parking lot but you have been warned!!), aave, use of the n word, make-up sex

authors note - heyy I've been so caught up with other shit that i almost forgot about Tumblr but i finally whipped something up after weeks of writers block but i hope you guys enjoy!!!

word count - 946

(reblogs and comments are most definitely appreciated!! )

possessive Fontaine 

You always knew Fontaine was the possessive type. Not the loud “yells at anyone who stares at you” kind of possessive. But the “I know I'm lucky” possessive. The type to plant hickeys all over your neck for other niggas to see when they're talking to you. he gets a kick outta the ones who stare at them for too long

You were at the bar with yoyo and slick. Fontaine decided not to go since in his words “he got other shit to do.” your main plan was to stick together incase some weird shit happens but after a few drinks that plan was dropped. Yoyo was dancing while slick was god knows where and now you’re chopping it up with some nigga that claimed to “know you from way back.”

“Yeah, you haven't changed a bit! Same eyes as your mama” the older man said. You laughed nervously as you looked around the atmosphere. The guy began to compliment you again and again. Comments like “you look just like ya mama” and “you've gotten so grown” made your skin crawl.

You look at your phone checking the time, but you ended up seeing missed calls from Fontaine. not just one, but Multiple. You looked around looking for Yoyo and slick knowing that if Fontaine called multiple times, it was something serious. 

The older man's words suddenly turned into mumbles as you looked around seeing Slick and Yoyo nowhere in sight. You look down at your phone worried as you start to call Fontaine but something stops you. The older male said something as you weren't paying attention and a tall broad man stood behind you. 

“Yeah, she's a real gem huh?” he agreed.

The dark male's voice sent chills down your spine causing you to turn your shoulders, face to face with your boyfriend. Fontaine didn't say anything to you. His low-lidded eyes said more than enough. As you walked outside you remembered Slick and Yoyo were still in the club. Or so you thought.

“What about yoyo and-”

“They left.” 

Fontaine didn't look at you. His hands in his pockets, eye facing straight ahead, it all worried you. But what worried you most was Yoyo and Slick leaving you at the club knowing what could have happened. Especially with the weirdo you were talking to. 

You both get into his car. As you look down on your lap you feel a heavy shake from Fontaines side of the car. You smack your thick lips. “Damn nigga you ain't needa slam the door that hard.” but he didn't say anything, let alone look at you. He was giving you the cold shoulder. 

 “..taine” cold shoulder again. You sigh deeply. The car ride home was quiet

Fontaine set the car to park and took his key out the car. Before he could open the door you grab his shoulder. “Fuck you touching me for?’ he mumbles. “Fontaine it wasn't what it looked like” Your hand laid on his shoulder. “So you at the bar flirting to some older nigga wasn't what it looked like?” he turns to you, his grills shining as his nose turns up in irritation. “No, it wasn't! And you know I wouldn't do that shit to you” your voice cracked. You didn't want Fontaine to be worried about you. You were a big girl and you didn't need some hood nigga taking care of you, but you also didn't want him to think you were someone to share around. “Then what was it?”

 You ended up telling him everything that happened. From the plan, to the creepy comments. You made sure to lay everything onto the table. 

“Why didn't you say shit at the club?” he sighs looking straight at the driver's wheel as he sucked his teeth. “ ‘cus I know you taine and ion need that type of attention on me.” your eyes stuck at your dress. “That dress giving you every type of attention” Your boyfriend examines your short dress with a deep breath and hand rubbing his beard. He thought you looked jaw dropping but knowing Fontaine, he wasn't gonna let you see him fold so quickly, especially after what just happened. What’d you expect? He's stubborn. You smile, “Whatchu meannnn..” you laugh as you cross your hands, looking at him from the side. 

And like that, flirting quickly turned to fucking. 

Fontaine's rough hands groping your titties, ass, and hips time and time again. His name leaves your thick lips over and over again. the car windows steaming with warm breaths of ecstasy.

“Ion won't no other nigga looking at you” Fontaine groins. “ion care if yo ass was green, don't no nigga need to be laying they eye on what's mine.” you nod, too breathless, too caught up with with the feeling of Fontaine's hands rubbing that spot on your clit. ‘I'm all yours taine” you finally sigh. Your legs shaking as you finally came. But the rhythm of Fontaine's hips continued. His hands gripping your ass as his head lays back. 

“Fontaine, i cant..” you hold his arm. ‘I know baby i know, just relax mama m’kay?” you nod lightly laying yourself on his chest. Your warm breath on his neck. “Where you want it baby?” Fontaine's raspy voice asked. You were so fucked out of it, you couldn't let out coherent words. “In…side..” you moaned as Fontaine came inside you.

“You got it all on my dress!” you yelled out quietly as Fontaine grabbed the house keys. “That’ll show dem weird niggas ya already fucking with someone.” you notice his grin from the side which made you smile.

He really made you feel like a gem tonight. 

[m-for-musings]

BRAZILIAN FUNK STARTERS

I bring you some sentences sorted from unhinged brazilian music for your RP, enjoy!

You can check them all out in this playlist :D

!!!ATTENTION!!! I TRIED TO KEEP THEM AS SFW AS POSSIBLE BUT MOST OF THEM ARE SUGGESTIVE/EXPLICIT.

“Look at me, stare me down, I’m your prey. Swallow me whole, make me fit, go ahead, devour me.” —  Sagrado Profano (Luísa Sonza)

“You say there are no feelings involved, but when I sit you fall in love.” — sentaDONA (Luísa Sonza)

“Put your hands on the wall, I’ll make you feel strong.” — POC POC (Pedro Sampaio)

“If you want it, come and get it. Tonight, "can't" isn’t an option.” — PROIBIDONA (Anitta, Glória Groove, Valesca Popozuda)

“And tonight I wanna play with your lips, our playground, all night long.” — Playground (Vivi)

“I'm gonna shake my ass right in your face.” — Sua Cara (Anitta, Pabllo Vittar, Major Lazer)

“I told you it was gonna be just once, you promised not to fall in love.” — Ai papai (Anitta, MC Danny)

“Look at this bold-ass clown, now tryna act all flirty on me!” — Depois do Carnaval (Lexa)

“I want to mess around until the morning, I owe no one an explanation.” — Funk Rave (Anitta)

“Yo, hottie with that enchanted look, hop in my cauldron, 'cause tonight I wanna kiss a frog.” — AMEIANOITE (Pablo Vittar, Glória Groove)

“After 2AM, I know what’s waiting for me. In this state, I love to fuck around.” — Descontrolada (Pablo Vittar, MC Carol)

“If what goes around, comes around, baby, I’m around. But I’m around for the whoring, and now I’m here to stay.” — Eu Viciei (Lia Clark, POCAH)

“You’re trying to tie me down, trying to keep me tight. But I just wanna mess around, I’m single today.” — Bandida (Pablo Vittar, POCAH,  MC Mayara)

“This is your time to learn, class on sitting on you.” — TOMA (Luísa Sonza, ZAAC)

“Watch out, highly flammable substance here. Like magic, pyromancy, causing chaos!” — MIL GRAU (Glória Groove)

“Get that ass out of the couch and come dance!” — YoYo (IZA, Glória Groove)

“Not on, nor off. Mommy is torn between whoring and loving.” — Nem On Nem Off (POCAH)

“Tonight I'm going wild, french-kissing in loop. Come with me if you can keep up all night long.” — MODO TURBO (Luísa Sonza, Pabllo Vittar, Anitta)

“I’ve been wanting to see you for a while, sit back and relax with some wine here on my couch.” — VERMELHO (Glória Groove)

“I don't give a fuck, the vibe’s different now. I’ve gone wild, see you never.” — Quer Mais? (POCAH, MC Mirella)

“Let me remind you, I’m not obligated to anything, no one controls this ass.” — Não Sou Obrigada (POCAH)

“Tonight, no one's sleeping at home, tonight you're gonna be my toy.” — Hoje (LUDMILLA)

“Curiosity killed the kitten, but this big cat here is alive and well.” — A QUEDA (Glória Groove)

“R.I.P. to the bullshit, brush it off like cool whip.” — RIP (Anitta, Sophia Reyes)

“Go wild, turn around and put it down on me.” — Vai Malandra (Anitta, ZAAC)

“Come up to the lookout, I’ll fake you a romance. You’ve only got one shot at this.” — Rave de Favela (Anitta, Major Lazer, MC Lan)

“Even the hotties struggle, I'm broke as hell.” — GET UP BITCH (Anitta, Victoria de Angelis)

“The world’s falling apart, but we’re running this shit. Mess with me, you’re messing with the whole crew.” — Coisa Boa (Glória Groove)

“Come with attitude, all in, come closer, touch me. Tonight I want it, and you know I like it just like this.” — BANG! (Anitta)

“Hope you understand: my love is a whore’s love. Don’t go catching feelings, ‘cause this love is a whore's love.” — Amor de Que (Pabllo Vittar)

“You’re gonna lose it — I'm messing with your head with this killer body. My lips are fire, babe, there’s nothing like it.” — Corpo Sensual (Pabllo Vittar)

“If I was you and you was me, would you do what I'm 'bout to do?” — Onda Diferente (Anitta, LUDMILLA, Snoop Dogg)

“Don’t bother me, I’m blazing another one so I don’t lose my mind.” — Verdinha (LUDMILLA)

“Bark louder, I can’t hear you from here.” — Beijinho no Ombro (Valesca Popozuda)

“I'm gonna eat you, gonna lick you, and when I'm done, I'm gonna leave you.” — A Dona Aranha (Luísa Sonza)

"From far away, I spotted you, and it clicked. Got lost in the thought, wanting that sweet mouth of yours." — Joga pra Lua (Anitta, DENNIS, Pedro Sampaio)

[party-gilmore]

Also like. It's literally DAY ONE of my new screen-time enforcement. Not even a full twenty four hours yet.

And holy shit.

Literally, all day long, I have been physically itching to pick up my phone and get on here and see what's happening. Not even about specifically bad shit like I've been fixating on I mean for literally ANYTHING. Repeatedly, constantly, through out the day, picking up and flicking over to where the app was on my home page and just. Staring for a minute until I realize what I'm doing. Over and over and over and just seeking and seeking and seeking... i don't know what, but SOMETHING. To make posts, check posts, see what's going on... like physically fucking painful. And then towards the end of the day, the fucking anxiety literally all built around not know exactly what's happening right now what if I miss something. The fucking legit panic. Then the relief right as I sat down at my computer.

Like. I rolled my fucking eyes when people talk about the Youths being Addicted To Their Phones. But holy shit. Holy shit. There was. APPARENTLY. an underlying issue to ALL of this [gestures at self and the various smaller yoyo-ing mental breaks happening lately] that I had no fucking CLUE about.

On the one hand I feel so fucking silly for having such a hard time doing something so simple, just "wait till you get home then limit your time." But on the other hand there's... a bit of a relief element? Like "oh, okay, this was. there was something WRONG wrong here."

[madlockcal]

( BENJAMIN WADSWORTH, CISMALE, HE/HIM ) CALUM MADLOCK the TWENTY FOUR year old is said to remind people of FIDGETING WITH SHARP OBJECTS, FUCKED UP BOX OF CIGARETTES they are known to be AMICABLE and INDECISIVE which makes sense when you think about how they are A DRUG RUNNER in THE BLACK SPADES.

Hi hello! My name is T and in this essay I will be introducing you to my home boi Calum. There will be some triggering topics below so please proceed with caution!

basics:

full name:  Calum Alexander Madlock

nicknames:  Cal, CAM, Callie,

gender:  Cismale

pronouns:  He/Him

sexuality:  Pansexual

age:  24

date of birth:  April 5th

Birthplace: Philadelphia, PA

zodiac sign:  Aries

likes:  Sprite, cough syrup, mixing the two, yoyo’s, video games, collecting key chains

dislikes: When it takes people to long to unlock the car door, cold fries, reality TV

Background: (tw: Overdose, drug use)

What all can be said about Calum Madlock? He wasn’t the popular kid in high school by any means. At least not for his personality he wasn’t. The only time anyone really paid him much attention was when he set the head cheerleaders uniform on fire on a dare. She deserved it anyways. Especially after slapping him for trying to get her best friend to steal a car with him. His drug dealing tendencies were another story. He didn’t start out that way. On the contrary. Calum's home life was decent. He was born to two very wealthy parents who loved and adored him, but loved traveling the world for work even more. Leaving him most of the time with his grandparents. Which on its own should not have been a reason for Cal to spiral down the path that he had.

Unfortunately like most men in his family, Calum was cursed with the same luck of falling for people who had a knack for damaging them. He met Natalia Walsh on his first day of school freshman year and fell instantly in love with her. Didn’t have to do much chasing. She fell for him just as quickly. As per usual things started out innocent. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Girl also likes drugs. Calum learned quickly that Nat had been raised by an entire family of addicts and despite her assurance watched as the girl he loved just as quickly fell victim to the powers of addiction. Fortunately for Nat, Calum was far from the good boy his parents and grandparents had expected him to be. Had, had his own introduction to pot and cocaine when he’d been out to visit his cousins in Portland. Envied his cousins life for his ability to get high so freely without having to hide it from anyone.

As time went on he and Nat grew and developed new loves for trying different things together. Everything was all good until coming home from a stint in rehab and having been informed by his grandparents that they’d gotten a call from her parents. They had come home and found her dead on arrival thanks to an unknown cocktail she’d taken without telling him. Calum had no idea where she’d gotten it but her parents still reached out to his grandparents immediately to warn them. This earned Calum a one way ticket back to rehab.

Lot of good that did him right? Wrong! Because how are you ever supposed to recover from knowing you could have done something but didn’t? By drowning yourself further. When he’d returned home from rehab he was immediately transferred to a boarding school for the rich and the preppy. People he didn’t fit in with and certainly didn’t get along with. But he’d found solace in rising to the top as the number one drug dealer that school had ever seen. They didn’t have to like him. Not when they needed him. And he used this to propel him through his remaining high school years. Sure things weren’t perfect. They were never going to be for a kid who got his kicks getting high and making a menace of his peers. Unfortunately when it came time for college applications, after all the money his grandparents had spent having to send him to boarding school, it meant he had no choice but to apply for a scholarship if he wanted any hope of getting into the school they had also hand picked for him. Little did they know, the "scholarship" he received was far from real and instead had him running away to New York. He no longer felt the need for the familial ties he'd once craved. Not when he'd find himself affiliated with The Black Spades. They'd become his new family, and made doing the kind of business he'd always thrived in a breeze.

[tobiasdrake]

So, if I know my Mesa Island geography, we should be getting pretty close to Songshroom Marsh. Wonder if Yoyo's still hanging around here?

That's, uh... that's... not an ominous name or anything....

This place... doesn't seem quite as fun as Luana made it sound.

Okay, full disclosure, I was actually trying to drown myself in the mire because I want to tell Quarble about all the cool stuff I did.

But this is cool too. I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes attempted suicide comes with neat prizes. If they ever write a fable about all the things I learned on my travels, I'll be sure to include that.

Holy shit, the Magic Seashell? The one from Watcher Island that lets you breathe underwater?

Wait, no, I can already do that for some reason. Plus, it doesn't really look that cute. Luana said it was a cute pink clamshell thing. She was very excited about it. But this more resembles a slug.

That does sound like it relates to the magic Docarri shells, though. Hmm....

Yeah. Uh. What the hell happened to this place? Luana didn't like it very much but what she described pales in comparison to how tortured and gross the marsh is.

Also, she called it Songshroom but the sign at the entrance said Quillshroom. So. Obviously some changes have taken place.

Oh, is it the cool magic seashell I found? 'Cause I found it. You can't have it back. It's mine now, as laid down in the Mine Now, Fucko bylaw.

Primal Fear... fuck, I know that name. It's... somewhere. Maybe one of Teaks's stories? I don't know. I've heard it before. I know I've heard it before.

No, wait! It was one of the volumes of prophecy that Yoyo kept in her cabin. She had a book on Primal Fear. That's where I know the name from.

Is. That. Where the living mushrooms come from?

...Luana wrote about them singing. The ones I've seen have not been singing. I don't think they're enjoying their fungal lives anymore.

With gusto.

I can't believe you told me to fight it! Do you have any idea how humiliated I was!? That was the most embarrassing moment of my goddamn life.

And I once screwed up Cloudstep practice so hard I ended up dangling from a tree branch by my pants around my ankles. I met Quarble on a return trip through a challenge I'd already solved. So the competition is steep.

How many times have you sent members of my order to their graves to pick a fight with a harmless glowball minding his fucking business!?

FUCK. No wonder Luana called probably-you an assclown!

WHAT. NO. I don't really see much relevance or importance in your stories - I think the pear tree one might have been about Yoyo maybe? - but I've been enjoying them nonetheless.

I'll stop touching your cabinet if you keep sharing stories with me. ._. Pweese?

Oh, there's the singing mushrooms. Okay, so they are still here.

They. Uh. They don't look very cheerful, though. Luana said they were cheerful.

Gotta say, not a fan of the titular quillshrooms. Their quills are incredibly difficult to dodge, especially when they fire while I'm in midair. What total assholes.

As a botanophobe, I can't be surprised by this, but fungus is far more dangerous than turtles.

...how stupid do I feel like being today?

I am... passably competent at the Cloudstep. I think I could--

Okay, I want it on record that I actually made it, but was killed by a Quillshroom afterwards. After being thoroughly tenderized by spikes in the process of making it but that's beside the point. The point is I'm awesome and this is definitely going down as a W in my book.

Not important. What's important is HEY BESTIE, check out where we are? Yeah, that's right, I'm blazing trails through Quillshroom Marsh with my expert jumping and profound getting-stabbed proficiencies.

I know we were in Howling Grotto last we talked but I... found the exit of my own accord and nothing else happened. Now we're here. Trying to not be here as expediently as possible because I don't want to be a mushroom.

...

Why is this my life?

...we've found one secret path beneath the mire. I wonder... This does look very suspicious.

They thought they could hide their secrets from me. Joke's on them, I am highly skilled in observation and pattern recog--

I think I hate this place.

[gluion]

HII 24, 48, 49, 53 FOR THE ASK GAME !!

hi hi kimchi!!! thank you so much for sending in an ask <3 i apologize for how long this will be LOL but i hope enjoy hearing my silly kpop thoughts heheh

24. your favorite debuts?

hands down, i love boynextdoor's mainly because their debut at least strayed away from the trend of boycrush music that's been happening in 4th gen grps, and it felt like a good way to start the 5th gen era. i also LOVE zb1's debut because the masterpiece that is youth in the shade as an entire album. i wasn't considering to stan zb1 mainly because i've had my fair share of survival show groups but literally sooo fucking good i couldn't help it. loona's debut will always hold a special place in my heart because the whole "girl of the month" concept really was sooo good. i remember when i first heard chuu's heart attack and i was sold. i stayed with them since. txt's is also my favorite. even if im a predebut stan, the way they really had such a distinct sound from debut that followed them until minisode era.... love my txt boys special mentions to golcha's damdadi, newjeans' debut, wannaone's energetic, and nct dream's chewing gum

48. a kpop group whose concert you MUST attend in your lifetime

boynextdoor! not only just because they're my ult group but they have been the only group (aside from bts) where i was okay to watch them over a day6 concert. and that's a huge deal to me. a lot of my friends know i've given up other kpop concerts just to watch day6 regardless of how many times ive seen them, but bonedo has been the only group where i felt like i can watch them over day6. (it's never happened with past ult groups like svt, nct dream, or tbz like its sooo srs to me if i would be okay watching another group over day6... my forever ult group for life)

49. your favorite kpop songs from this year (2024)?

THE ENTIRETY OF BAND AID ALBUM. I LOVE YOU DAY6. i literally could not stop listening to it. its such a perfect album personally because i have always been a big lover of their more rock-leaning tracks. i am literally still struggling to rank these tracks like i love that album to Bits. but special mentions to monster and counter like wow. i can ramble on and on about day6 but i wont. (like. theres a reason why my user is GLUION.) happy and get the hell out by day6.... wow i just LOVE day6 im sorry but literally saved my soul. fourever saved my soul it did. come back to me by rm really did genuine emotional damage to me. like i love the whole right place, wrong person album but that track in specific has such immense impact on my soul and i think its because the mv reminds me of myself. the entirety of the TRIGGER ALBUM BY THE BOYZ. BUT ESPECIALLY slip away and re-wind by tbz is so fucking good like i am still so gagged. honestly THE WHOLE ALBUM IS SOOO GOOD. it is one of my highly rated albums from this year. ist went all out because they know tbz is leaving LMFAO. good so bad by zb1 is like textbook defintion of a day6 track filled with youth and nostalgia but more pop. like if you listen to it, you will UNDERSTAND. i cried to that song because the production of that track is so day6. i also fucking LOVE insomnia like its the perfect bside imo like i went crazy in the concert and i always go back to it killin' it by p1harmony was also sooo good. that went platinum in my household. i love piwon sooo fucking much. le sserafim's crazy honestly such a banger track. i am still listening to it. i am still at the club. i love that song and literally just been a fan of ssera's sound also love love LOVE riize's impossible, lucky, and boom boom bass. i love house music, and boom boom bass was stuck in my head for a good chunk of my life. i love riize. special mentions to yoyo by rescene, supersonic by fromis_9, crazy by le sserafim, love wins all by iu, and dash by nmixx

53. tell me your unpopular kpop opinion!

omg crazy take but people need to stop killing people over album/music preferences. like sorry but music is subjective and youre not better if you like all or none. like SORRY!

[gerrystamour]

@stobinesque / @amusingdisplacement requested "You need to wake up because I can't do this without you." for Vinny/Keziah

So, once again, me and Read have created OCs, we put them in a mafia!au, bon appetit

Vinny, Tig, & Winters: Mine

Keziah & Yoyo: Read's

This takes place before THIS FICLET that I posted the other day.

Tagging the scromies: @scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle @sidekick-hero @vecnuthy @steddieas-shegoes @theheadlessphilosopher @wormdebut @sentient-trash @starryeyedjanai

Aaaaand tagging the honourary scromies: @hellion-child @lovemesomeartsstuff (since both of you seem to like all the OC posting too)

Kez stood at the end of the hospital bed, staring down at zir husband with a numbness ze hadn’t felt in years. Since the brothel, before Vincenzo got zir out of there.

It had been hours since Vincenzo got out of surgery, and he was still not awake. The doctors were certain he would pull through, and Kez couldn’t stop zirself before they snarled, “He better.”

Vincenzo had to wake up so ze could yell at him, grab him by the throat and send him to hell zirself for that stupid fucking move he pulled back there. He had to wake up because too much was riding on him succeeding for him to fucking die.

“Ms. D’Amore.”

Kez blinked and released zir hold on the footboard of the bed, shaking out zir hands as ze turned to face the owner of the voice behind zir. Ze was getting distracted, not even hearing someone coming into the room, and that was dangerous. This hospital wasn’t on enemy turf, but it wasn’t on Vincenzo’s either; ze had to be alert.

Luckily, it was only Tig, one of Vincenzo’s boys, his most trusted bodyguard and enforcer.

“You were saying something?” Kez asked after a few long moments, and Tig’s face changed. It was a sympathetic expression, and Kez had the very uncharitable urge to smack him for it.

“There was a situation earlier, down at Yoyo’s club. Carver’s people showed up and had to be dealt with,” Tig repeated, and Kez’s hackles raised. Fucking vultures, already circling. Or maybe the more accurate comparison would be sharks, scenting blood in the water.

“How serious was it?” ze asked, turning zir gaze back to Vincenzo on the bed.

“They were put down. Expeditiously,” Tig replied, and Kez nodded.

“How many civilian witnesses?” ze asked next, dreading this answer most. Civilian witnesses usually meant the cops would come sniffing around and would need to be bribed. Ze hated dealing with cops.

“None,” Tig replied, and when Kez shot a look over zir shoulder, he raised his hands defensively. “It happened in Yoyo’s office. Winters was with her, they just needed help with clean-up.”

Kez took a deep breath through zir nose and let it out slowly, nodding once. “Go to the club. Both of us being seen here will only make them bolder.”

Tig didn’t move. “I shouldn’t leave you here alone,” he eventually said, and anger rose hot and bitter in Kez’s throat.

“You will do as you’re fucking ordered, Faulkner,” Kez bit out, wringing zir hands around the foot board of the bed again.

“Boss wouldn’t like—”

“If Vincenzo wanted me to give a shit about what he would’ve liked, he wouldn’t have gotten himself shot,” Kez all but snarled, whirling on Tig and crowding him against the door. “Now, let’s try this again, shall we? Go. To the club. Now.”

Tig stared down at zir, expression closed off and tense before he nodded once. “On it, Boss.”

With that, he slipped out the door and left Kez in the room alone with zir husband.

Returning to the bed, ze stood at the side of it and stared down at Vincenzo. He looked wrong, almost small against the stark sheets, his hair an uncharacteristic mess and the hospital gown the wrong shade of blue for his complexion. He was alive, but barely, and it was terrifying staring down that possibility.

“You hear that, Vincenzo? They’re already coming for everything you built,” Kez bit out, low and quiet as the veil of numbness briefly parted, just long enough to feel the ache of zir heart shattering, and tears sprung to zir eyes.

“I love you.” “I wish you didn’t.”

It was the last thing they said to each other before Vincenzo lost consciousness, succumbing to the blood-loss. How could that man be choking on his own blood and still manage to tell Kez he loved zir? It was insane, something out of the terrible romantic dramas Vincenzo pretended he didn’t watch. And yet he did it, and Kez didn’t respond in kind, and now he might never wake back up.

“You need to wake up, Vincenzo,” Kez continued, trying to keep zir voice even as ze slipped zir hand into Vincenzo’s. “It’s all going to fall apart.”

That wasn’t true, necessarily. Or more, that wasn’t the real reason behind that grasping, clawing thing inside zir. Kez didn’t give a shit about the Organization, the Family.

Ze cared about Vincenzo. Ze cared about them, and the thought of them becoming just Kez made it feel like ze was being skinned alive.

Before ze could stop zirself, Kez crawled up onto the bed and curled around Vincenzo, pressing a wobbly kiss to his shoulder.

“You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you, Vin,” Kez whispered against his shoulder, finally letting a few tears escape as ze tangled their fingers together in zir lap. “I need you, Vin. Please, wake up.”

[silver-wield]

A short popped up on my yt about Marlene telling Zack, Aerith likes Cloud. So many people were commenting on how they feel sorry for Zack and how it wasn't his fault for not being there. That you could tell he was hurt but was trying not to show it and that he was done dirty and deserved better.

Then you have the cleriths😑 commenting about how "Cloud is better, he was actually there for Aerith," "See, Zack is fine with Cloud and Aerith being together, " Zack is such a good friend. He saved Cloud so he could be with Aerith and make her happy because he knows their feeling for each other!" And of course, you also have that one clerith commenting the SAME THING under EVERY comment 🙄 " Cloud went on an entire adventure with her, not Zack! She has more feelings for Cloud!" Such a 💩 take, lol. She knew Cloud for what, a month? She dated Zack for 2 years, but ok...

These people have so much copium! Someone in the comments had the nerve to say Aerith fans are more mature🤣🤣🤣 Thankfully most people disagreed. They replied back, " You joking, right?" " cringe, y'all take the game too far. " " y'all Aerith fans are nuts! " You guys read too many doujins."You clerith fans are a lost cause." 😂😂

Seriously though, the only people who are happy about what they did to Zack in this game are Cleriths who think they still have a chance. Even though cloti got a kiss and all they had was hand holding and being friend zoned on a failed date. Oh yeah, and she died!

Cloud knew aerith for 3 weeks while he was under alien control. Which means she never knew him. All her garbage about liking him is just that. She don't know him.

She should've been faithful to zack instead of a back stabbing bitch. Maybe people would've liked her then.

Nobody likes her or talks about her "iconic" death scene. The devs took it away from her. That death scene was like watching a fucking yoyo go up and down.

[dailyoyo]

thabk yoi a lot dailyoyo your brains are very compelling to me it kind of makes me want to study you like ants . i quote you all the time like i tell my friends " i stole this sentiment / headcanon from a deranged yoyo tumblr account " . you are aspirational really Truly we need more dailyoyos in the world i cant stop thinking about lawyer yoyo now .... also i beg for more dissecting of yoyo and mew dynamics if ur Into That . theuve always been really interesting to me but honestly like 4 pieces of canonexist in jsr ever so

VERY DELIGHTFUL ASK TO GET. i love to hear that i have had a net impact in making people get weirder. its so important to me. making the jsr fandom worse one post at a time <3

a lot of the way i post in here is inspired by both my friends but also some of the crazy bitches (affectionate) ive seen around over in the dragon ball z fandom in particular, but really i think ANYONE in the world no matter the fandom has the god-given right to tear characters apart with their teeth and make them fail as fuck and really really really sick in the head in ways they were probably not intended to be read as in canon. Everypony out there get eviler!!!!!!!!!!!! Now.

IM GLAD YOU LIKE LAWYER YOYO I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT TOO. hes fascinating to me in that like hes technically not a Bad Ending (MOST of that au technically isnt!) and yet objectively he is a worse outcome because in regular(paradox) canon theres an avenue for yoyo to heal and become less bastardous. because like he has genuine friends and positive interactions and reasons to Want to be more than a self serving shithead. and also hes 16 of course hes an asshole hes 16.

but with lawyer yoyo its like. Its too late. He grew up and he stayed like that and he does not care to change and he has no impetus to change. hes definitely living a safer and more comfortable life and he has much higher self-esteem but he is Staying dead inside. Like ok regular yoyo and lawyer yoyo are both mentally at the bottom of basically the same exact well but lawyer yoyo was like "fuck it" and built a house down there. do you get me

Oh fuck this post is getting so long and i havent even talked about mew and yoyo yet.

okay so liek. beat was yoyo's first proper Friend in the ggs (as opposed to "just tolerating him being around"). because beat kind of totally fell for yoyo's whole harmless schtick lmao. but mew was the first Real Friend in that she picked up on how much of a fake fuck yoyo was and decided to hang out with him anyway.

which. ADMITTEDLY. this was originally BECAUSE she was fascinated by yoyo being so insincere (for a while he was also really playing up the "ohoho i'm TOOOTALLY not a double agent" thing for shits and giggles even though he literally wasnt.). and as previously mentioned yoyo had a crush on her which is why he didnt realize mew could see right through him. honestly for a while he kind of thought he had totally had her under his thumb but the whole time mew was like "Awww hehe he thinks im only hanging out with him because of his manipulations, thats so cute ^_^" (<- DERANGED)

and in a way while they were already friends their friendship didnt Truly start until after yoyo confessed his love and was rejected. because like the whole thing was kind of a wakeup call for yoyo - mew had noticed his feelings all along and was waiting for him to say something Just to reject him, and like among normal people that would probably be a lot more hurtful but in that circumstance it was like... she'd outplayed him. easily. and he didn't even notice, but she's still here anyway. and she still wants to hang out with him even though she can tell the kind of person he is.

because the thing is like. mew may play up her innocence and naivety but she IS genuinely kind at heart. a lot of her strange desire to examine nasty people under a microscope is because of her desire to see the humanity in everyone, to understand Why people do the things they do. and she's not under any illusions that she can """Fix Him""", god knows she's not sure she can even "fix" herself, but she saw yoyo for what he was and could respect the survival mechanisms at play for what they were. (this is also why mew was so immediately like "idk Yoyo doesn't seem like that kind of person..." when the nt-3000 thing happened because. like. she Understood his modus operandi and that simply Wasn't It.)

and like when youre the kind of person who thinks that as soon as someone sees under your mask that they'll want you dead in a ditch, knowing someone who recognizes your mask and is just like "oh cool, i got one too" is kind of world-shaking. paradoxically them recognizing each others' insincerity makes them be a lot more sincere with each other.

Oh fuck this post long as hell. yoy

[inklore]

hi lauren. i was the anon before that asked if you were ok with answering writing advice. lately i've been dealing with a lot of self doubt with my writing. and as much as i hate to say it, the amount of reactions i get on here has been making me think i'm just shitty at writing. do you have any advice to combat writing insecurities like this?

hi darling, i hope you're well and hydrated <3

and i want to first start off by saying that every writer goes through this, even published authors have self doubt and struggle just as this. i go through this, i'm currently going through this. it's hard to combat especially if you're dealing with it alone. it's always nice to have friends and followers and mutuals to help combat these feelings. but sometimes not even that can kick the self doubt in the ass.

with that said i don't think there's a 'fix all' for this. there's things you can do to kick it to the curb and push through, but just remember this is all a part of being a creative being. we hold ourselves to high standards because we know we can create great things, we have before. and it's hard. not everyone is blessed with the ability to create, whether that's writing, art, designing damn buildings. so just know you're absolutely amazing and talented for writing at all. writing good, writing bad, it's all writing, creating, and that's fucking amazing!!!

NOTES DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!!

COMMENTS DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!

REBLOGS DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!

i've seen fics on here that are not ones i enjoy, i don't click with the writing, the prose, what have you, but the note count will still be high. the interactions amazing and i think: damn am i the problem? and no i'm not. people like what they like. just because i thought the story was meh does not mean every one does. just as the four mutuals who read my stuff and interact with it NOT interacting with certain stories of mine because it's not their cup of tea, does not make them bad or mean i wrote something bad.

every pot has a lid and sometimes you ain't that lid. it's a tough reality you gotta face sometimes, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A BAD WRITER OR ANYONE IS BETTER THAN YOU ON HERE.

do not compare yourself to ANYONE on here. we ain't stephen king. idc if this other author has 5k notes on each fic, has turned one of them into a published story: NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ON HERE. do not compare your talent and story telling to anyone else's because it's only going to make YOU miserable. why be miserable when you can be writing stories YOU love? for YOUR friends, followers, mutuals, FOR YOURSELF. life is too short to keep that negative mindset. so ignore it (harsh but you gotta if you wanna create bby).

there is no easy or simple way to get notes or interaction. i can post in fandom A and get a lot of traction, but if i post in fandom B i get barely 100 notes. there's new people who gain traction so easily, there's accounts who constantly have interaction but then they write for a different fandom and that traction goes away. it's literally a yoyo effect on here, you never know if somethings going to be up or down, if this will work or if people won't be interested in the way you wish, hope. we can't fix that. hate to say it but we can't. it's the reality of being on this site.

it's something you gotta know does not = your talent. does not determine your talent.

people who say 'write for yourself' mean well, and yes i do think at the end of the day no matter what you're writing it is self indulgent; we post for people to see. if we didn't want people to see our writing we would leave it in the drafts or get a diary. our work is NOT just for ourselves. we want others to enjoy these little headcanons and prose and what we made. and that's beautiful, amazing, the best thing about creating. and it feels like crap when we get 2-100 notes at most. but it doesn't mean what you're writing is bad. that you have no talent.

and as hard as it is you gotta keep writing, babes. don't let anything stop you from doing what makes you happy, from your passion and creating. it's so so fucking hard. but you gotta find the joy somewhere in it or you'll only feel negative feelings when it comes to writing.

so ignore the notes, ignore the ghost readers, ignore the popular accounts who act like it's all sooooo easy, hell ignore the paragraph where i talked about people liking this that who they whatever!!! remember why you started writing in the first place. make friends, mutuals, people who understand this feeling. support each other. talk it through with them. scream into a damn pillow if you need to. but don't let anything take away this blessing of being able to create, to write and share your stories.

there will be good and bad days on here, there will be writers who annoy you and make you feel like shit. but there's also good on here. good people. good stories that YOU are helping to create. curate a safe space for you to write and feel amazing about it <3

some more advice after ranting:

block anyone who makes you feel bad/jealous/any negative way about your own writing. if they get butt hurt over it that's on them. it's not personal, you're protecting your own mental health, love.

read every. single. story. you've ever written that, while writing it, made you feel proud or reminded you 'oh yeah this is why i like writing'

make friends!! this can be hard but trust me you'll find your people, and if you haven't yet hi i'll be one of your people!!! <3

make a playlist that boosts your creativity and listen to it while writing or to get yourself in the mood for writing. happy, sappy songs that make you smile and cheer and swoon when you think about writing scenes to them.

rejection is a part of writing, even fanfic, and you gotta accept and ignore it. be like 'oh ok' and move on to the next thing or you'll be in the same spot and it'll take longer to get out of it.

can't write? feeling like shit over it? watch a favorite movie, ya know the one that has you kicking your feet and twirling your hair or makes you laugh until you cry, or cry like a baby because it's so emotional: WATCH IT!!!

writing in the bathtub feels amazing. try it. that is all.

you could be the next stephen king but you're not right now so stop putting so much pressure on yourself to BE something. just write what makes you giddy and happy and smile or clutch them pearls because it's filthy as hell.

dance! put on some playlist and just move your damn body. literally make yourself sweat and gasp for air, you'll release endorphins AND your brain will be too distracted to make you think of negative stuff. or workout if you like that kinda thing lol.

go for a walk, write somewhere new, by yourself a yummy little beverage because you deserve it <3

read physical books. please please pleaseeeee don't JUST read fanfic. not to say it's bad to only read it. but consuming published literature actually helps in growing your trade and it's an amazing habit to get into to help combat a lot of mental health issues (personally for me at least).

selfcare days work better than you think. eat junk food (unless that makes you feel worse then stay away from triggering foods), watch comfort shows, face mask it up, paint your nails, draw, color, knit, reorganize your room, whatever gives you joy do it for a whole day. don't talk to anyone. just be with yourself and remind yourself that yeah life doesn't always suck. or if you hate doing stuff alone call a friend and have a selfcare day together (or in person).

read the struggles from published authors. look up how they got through the self doubt. know that you're not alone.

you could also, with the previous point in mind, look up their writing routine and challenge yourself to do it for a couple days, a week, whatever. it'll be fun!

post the fic. close the app. do something else. don't look at the notes when replying to those who comment or rb. literally do not let your eyes look at that stupid irrelevant number. or hell, even post and then forget about it and move on to the next thing. queue reminder reblogs for your followers, but forget about the fic for a day or two and then reply to interactions. no interactions? sad, annoying, but let's write the next one love. let's keep that writing high going!!! maybe the next one will be the one everyone goes gaga for, or maybe it won't, but hey we are literally growing with our writing and creating and those who do enjoy it are screaming from all these posts!!!

take breaks!!!! write for three days and then don't. or write for a week and then don't for a week. breaks = rest. rest = a fresher mind.

tumblr is nothing in the grand scheme of life bby, but the art you make and post and share and take your time to give yourself and whomever else see's it, IS EVERYTHING. notes don't pay the bills. they give us joy. but NEVER let them take away the joy or happiness. because it's NOT THE NOTES that keep you writing, creating. it's that little beautiful creative mind of yours <3

[bugwolfsstuff]

More W.I.Ps Yay

Psychopomp

Summary: Travis has psychopomp powers, Connor likely does too but no one knows other than Travis himself. Travis decides to summon Luke for some reason.

Notes to myself:

[the no good bad evil oneshot about Luke and Travis]

[Travis summons Luke]

[Make sure there has to be a lifeline that keeps Travis alive during the ritual.]

[Have his lifeline accidentally be Katie]

[Have Katie show up near the end]

[He compares the whispering to Katie talking so much, and that causes things to spitball and anchor his life]

["Great, just what I needed—Katie's voice in surround sound," he grumbled, a desperate attempt at humour in the face of the spectral onslaught.]

[Diaktoros- Guide, Messenger]

[Athanatos Diaktoros- Immortal guide]

["What are you doing?" Luke said

Travis rips the blanket off himself and throws it on the ground, suddenly disgusted by its existence.

"Don't throw my blanket".]

[Have Travis have a panic attack when Katie arrives because he's so scared of what she thinks]

[Have Travis refer to him and Katie as a demented demigod Persephone and Hades]

Small extract:

"Hey..."

"Mmm...five more minutes," I mumbled, trying to get at least a few more moments of sleep. The last few nights have been sleepless and filled with tossing and turning, nightmares and a bunch of other stuff I don't wanna talk about; sleep was something I really needed right now.

"Hey, Trav."

I shoved a pillow over my head. "Go away". I don't care if it was Cecil, Chris, or Connor—wow, there are alot of C names in this cabin. What is Hermes' deal with names that start with a C?

"Travis Thomas Stoll. Wake. Up. Now."

That wasn't even close to my middle name. I don't even think I have a middle name. But before I could even point that fact out, a small fist decided to acquaint itself with my stomach.

So it was Connor.

That little shithead.

------

2. Who is the monster? the children?

Summary: Magnus Chase/Norse myth oneshot of Loki's 'monster' children being brought to Odin. From the third person view of Hel.

Notes to myself:

[F you Odin]

[Think of a nickname for Jormungandr because I ain't calling him by his full name for the entire shot.]

[Forgot Hel was the youngest midway through this, so let's pretend Hel is freakishly (horrible phrasing) strong]

[Technically, a monster isn't a bad thing to be. It just has bad associations]

[Fun fact: Monster derives from the Latin monstrum, itself derived ultimately from the verb moneo—to remind, warn, instruct, or foretell

[höggspjót—chopping spear. It takes its name from Old Norse högg, stroke, blow, slaughter, beheading and spjót, "spear]

[They are so gonna use that on the snake :(]

Small extract:

 She assumes they must be young because they are only as big as Fenrir. Not as big as her mom or other Jotun.

Jormungandr hissed in her arms. She was playing with him when the warriors came with their pointy weapons and red faces, so he refused to let go of her. Even when the warriors pointed their höggspjót at him and

------

3. Wine Child: chapter two draft 4? Fuck what number are we on?

Summary: Percy's pov of the de aged Mr D fanfic. Hebe shows up, dumps 8yr old Dio at camp. Ruins Percy's date. Dives into Dio's demigod trauma.

Notes to myself:

[Work on chapter title]

[Dio has a sword, where does he get the sword? fuck knows. Hebe gave the 8yr old a sword for funsies]

[He's wearing a girls outfit and has wild curly hair]

[make him punch Percy in the balls]—has been changed to Will now.

Small extract:

Did I mention that she's holding a very alive-looking, violently squirming gym bag?

"Well, it's a funny story, really." She said, which meant in god language: It was very much not funny, but you better laugh or I vaporize you.

She twirled the gym bag in her hand as she talked, pulling it up by the straps and tipping it upside down like a very angry yoyo.

Whatever was in the bag really didn't like that, which to be fair, I'd be pretty cranky if some goddess shoved me in a gym bag and then started playing with the bag like a yoyo.

"What I didn't account for was how whiney he was. So then I thought, hmm, where was the best place where he could learn to appreciate youth? Nowhere else but summer camp!" 

[weirdlet]

That was an interesting session.

We started off in media res, in the middle of the battle we'd left off in after last time. Surrounded on the deck of a ship built of bones, fighting Talos Anchorite cultists, our cleric paralyzed, our wizard down below convincing the soul of the (un)living ship to rebel, our health starting to get low.

First up, the barbarian tortle crawls back up on the deck, snatches the one-winged roc around the neck, and drags it down under. This thing has been trying to prise open his shell like an oyster for like four rounds, because apparently rocs are the tortle's natural predator/tortles are the roc's natural prey. But by golly, between the roc's unhinged stubbornness and Trinidad's natural swim-speed, we're about to see some shit go down out of that Farside cartoon with the frog strangling the crane trying to swallow it.

Eventually Carver gets unparalyzed- that first round seemed to take for absolute ever, and then getting free was the only thing he could do for another several rounds while things shot at him and, in fact, lightning-bolted him in the face.

I spent the majority of this fight yoyoing up and down from three hitpoints, people.

But his second and last Channel Divinity (Preserve Life) of the day gets parceled out to each party member he can see, and in the midst of the chaos, the dice may not like us but they like the cultists even less. We are- just barely- surviving as we get stabbed and shot at, and meanwhile as our wizard and the NPC bard she rescued keep convincing the death knight that runs the boat to take a vacation, the boat starts lurching and things start exploding in the powder keg. We cut it down to the wire, the last round dancing on the edge of a knife of whether we take out these cultists or die ourselves ignominiously.

The death knight steps up on deck. Says fuck you Myrkull, but fuck Talos even more- and then an avatar of Talos shows up, lifting the boat a hundred feet in the air and twisting it in his hands because, as the roar of the storm states, the cult of Myrkull cannot be permitted to have it. Which is fine and good, but we are all very bleedy and not prepared to fly- but as the death-knight launches himself into the avatar of Talos, Sorianna Feather-Fall's us all and we make it safely to the rocks, where Trinidad eventually joins us after having drowned the roc in the stormy sea.

'Well there's somethin' ya don't see every day.'

Dragging ourselves back to shore, we find the orphaned kids of the devastated village, comfort them and patch ourselves as best we can. A little bit from every household is set into a boat and burned at sea, while the family names are put on a marker to commemorate the poor fishing village that was destroyed by necromancers and sahaugain. Tenth level hits while we're resting.

The kids come back with us to Leilon- they're immediately adopted by the orcish trossfrau. Carver goes home to Glory, Trinidad to his orcwife, and the rest are handling fallout as best they can. It turns out that the local cult-members of Myrkull and Talos were burned out- literally- by the priests of Lathandar who have been trying to set themselves up as local religious authority. We don't- actually have wild objections to the act, we have some serious worries about how they took it upon themselves to. Alain the revenant of Alistair shows up in their rooms in the middle of the night, scaring the everloving crap out of them and extracting promises to not do shit like that again, leaving them in damp beds crying to Lathandar to forgive their over-zealousness.

One of the things that we found after the fight was a journal stating the date, time and location of the imminent raising of Ebondeath as a dracolich. We've got about thirty days, one week of which we spend in our town, getting ready, leaving notice about how we're going off to fight a terrible evil and we may not be back.

The night before we're to leave, each of us has- a dream. Each one is different, but Carver's is of being born of a mass of flesh, of being evil from birth- and asked to describe the life he lives from there. I am- not as articulate as I would like, despite having spilled ink to myself over the homework assignment of 'what if your character went evil' because that was all predicated on going evil from the point they're at now. But there is mention of being a torturer and bodybreaker, of having no compunctions about breaking whoever is in front of him to get what he wants, doing unto others before they do unto him, etc.

Carver wakes, shaking and sick, before steeling himself and breathing through a mantra, allowing himself to acknowledge how upset it made him while reassuring himself that it wasn't real- and what was true, was in the past. Glory sleeps right through it all.

And then the DM has me roll on a chart.

The chart is titled Madness of Baphomet. I get an 86; “I see those who oppose me not as people, but beasts meant to be preyed upon.” Which, fitting for the past I've designed for him. But apparently there is now a darkness upon him, on all of us, which may be invoked at a later date.

The next morning, we say our goodbyes, and head off to the Swamp of Dead Men.

[frogsandfries]

Who ever thought being invited on a five mile hike

Would be what triggered me.

My sister wants to go on this five mile cave hike.

I'd fucking love to go. However, walking to the grocery store down the street is like walking around with a fucking pillow on my fucking face.

I know I didn't get it the worst.

I don't have to live on disability because of PEM. I don't have to live with oxygen strapped to my face. I didn't have to be hospitalized (though, maybe in another world, I would have gone to the hospital if I could have trusted that ER staff would help).

I don't look like I have covid.

I'm just fucking fat. Surely if I lost a few pounds, I could be back to my normal self.

I've lost several pounds.

It hasn't changed shit.

I can't eat fucking nuts or coffee because they taste fucking rancid. There are other foods that taste off or weird, but nuts are the worst. And it's frustrating, because I keep them as a snack on my desk, but now they're a food of absolute last resort.

I I I me me me yes I know. But look. I haven't really talked about my post-covid experience. I haven't even really thought about it.

For example, my sense of smell was never my most significant/favored sense. But it's fucking weird not to be able to smell much of anything. If my building was on fire, I may not fucking know till a fucking alarm goes off. I can't tell where smells are coming from. So if something stinks and needs to be gotten rid of, I need to rely on my vision. I rarely smell food as it's cooking, but luckily, I never understood the "having a cold makes food taste bland"--I can still taste food. And see?? Even for that, I should be grateful. All food could taste rancid. Or not taste at all. What am I whining about.

I think right now, the thing I'm most upset about is, I'm already fat. I feel like I can't talk about this to anyone, but my endurance is not improving by exercising. I'm not really losing weight, I'm just yoyoing up and down in the same seven pound range (eating breakfast does help for me personally, just anecdotally speaking).

I can't fucking do cardio that might help me lose weight. I can't walk around my fucking apartment. I can't walk to the fucking grocery store or the fucking bus stop because it constantly feels like there's a fucking pillow over my face. This is not asthma. I grew up with asthma. I ran those stupid Bush fitness miles with asthma.

It's not getting better. It's not going away.

I feel alienated by my body, and I feel like I can't even tell my sister because it's just an excuse, well you've gained so much weight, I bet if you just lost that weight, you'd be right back in ship shape.

She was most impacted as a kid by our dad's weight talk. My dad was a typical 00's dad--fatphobic af. Which is ironic, because both of our gene donors come from rather fat families. I don't know how much she's changed on that front with new information. I just don't feel like she'd understand.

You wouldn't believe it. So I used to be a really tearful kid. My anger came out through my tear ducts, my frustration, my feelings of.....not being enough or being able to do enough. On the antidepressants, there have been lots of times when I've thought I was going to cry; my body wanted to, but I'm just not able. And that's.....okay enough with me.

But today, I was full on with the ragged breathing and snot.

All over a hike.

[tsuki-sennin]

A victory lap! One final issue with our heroes before the end! Our foe? Daijarg! Our mission? Protect the world one last time! And after that...?

Episode 50 of Hirogaru Sky! Pretty Cure~!

Spoilers, I guess...

-Ikuyo!

-One last time hearing this theme for the road...

-You've come such a long way from being an unusually athletic girl, huh Sora-chan?

-You've explored the surface world, battled monster after monster, made many unforgettable friends and memories along the way...

-And even when you wavered, you still kept your friends and family at the forefront of your mind.

-And uh... while I'm here, I might as well get my nitpicking outta the way.

-Uhhhhhh, I would've preferred if the villains all interacted with one another a lot more than they did, Captain Shalala's cool but a little underutilized, the supporting cast in general's just kinda... there a lot of the time...

-...that's it, really. I've gotten quite literally everything else I could've wanted from this season.

-Anyways, enough about me, FINAL BATTLE TIME WOOOOOO

-Spin that dangernoodle!

-You give a bad name to sneks everywhere.

-To you, dear Underg Generals... thank you!

-Not a form left to our names!

-OH FUCK INSERT

-This is everything

-One more time! For truth, justice, and a better tomorrow! Hirogaru Change~!

-Hirogaruuuuuuu

-Sekai Puuuuuuuuuuunch!

-"The only real power comes from inside, Skearhead! From courage, honor, and other things you wouldn't understand!"

-Precure! Majestic Halation!

-Now you understand your failure. Find peace in the next life, Skearhead.

-Hooooooome~!

-Hooooooly shit!

-Awwwww, Kaizerin...

-Adooooorable~!

-"Sorry. Comms filled atm."

-Peace and love for Skyland and Underg~!

-See, doesn't that feel nice?

-Hello, Captain Shalala! ...sorry I thought you were gonna pull a Nolan Grayson however many episodes ago.

-Beryberie... In another life, you'd have been one of my favorite Cures.

-Oh, the schoolmates too!

-...this is embarassing, but uh... I done forgot about you guys...

-D'aaaaawwww... Mashiron's gonna miss her husband~! Well, don't you worry.

-There's no such thing as goodbye forever, is there? Not when there's Transdimensional Technology~! Just uh... be careful not to accidentally unleash Weirdmageddon or something and we'll all be grand.

-God, it is so weird seeing Elle dwarf Tsubasa round the clock now.

-Never say that to me again.

-That's our town of Sorashido.

-...how very fortuitous of Sora to end up here, I just realized.

-Hmm.

-Our beloved Hero notebooks.

-Suppose we're gonna see you around, Granny Goodness. Er uh... Yoyo-san, sorry.

-My one regret is that I did not continue to lay down the Skyward Sword jokes, you'd have made a fantastic Impa.

-"I knew you were good kids the first time I saw you. :)"

-Hug your daughter, Mashiron.

-Auntie Ageha too~!

-Tsubasa-kun's got lunch...

-The Borb Sage...

-Oh???

-Yeaaaaaaah!

-Buddy, I say you're on your way.

-Off the princess and her retainer go.

-"So... like..."

-"Nah."

-142 TIMES

-MY GIRL REALLY TRACKED EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE OF HER HOLDING ANOTHER GIRL'S HAND BRO-

-Oh of course you're joking. You forgot a few digits, didn't you?

-"My hero..."

-Reviews in for Nijigaoka-sensei's latest picture book.

-"Charmingly written, beautifully drawn, exceptionally daring. Delightfully reaffirms everything one might love about their favorite superheroes. Hirogaru Sky makes its mark as one of the finest its esteemed lineage has to offer."

-Oh, hi!

-It's you assholes again, I see!

-Ageha Jumpscare

-Oh shit, the first ED again!

-Man...

-I'm exceptionally happy I got to enjoy this season.

-I suppose we'll see you all again sometime soon.

-Cure Sky jumps into action!

-WAN

-Cure Wonderful~!

-...I was gonna fucking use that name, but that's okay~!

-Now it's time for me to pack up and move to Animal Town... wherever that is... See you all on Feb 4th, I suppoooooooose~!